ok. i'm not leaving tblog. cause i treasure my archives too much. hence it will be kept running cause i absolutely love being vivaciousme. not. As you can see all the spelling errors simply means i've lost interest. come find me. http://2and3.blogspot.com
i still love tblog though. juggle.
fuck i hate tblog. just kidding. not. not not. not not not. i'm just doing this so i don't get in tr
well i had written a FANTASTIC and impossibly PROPER post about Harry Potter and how i just finished it and how it made me feel and shit, but with one FUCKING second, I don't even know what the hell i clicked, the whole thing was wiped out. I can't BELIVE IT! ARGH! that's it i'm so registering for blogger. WHAT THE HELL?!
AARRRRGHHHHHH! I'm really pissed, i really put alot of effort into that post, cause the inspiration and interest was really there while i was writing it but in one second the whold piece was erased! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!! Well, the muse isn't going to come back, there's only ire, and all i'm going to give now is a shit ass summary. Here it is: Harry Potter is good but not good. J.K Rowling is good but she sucks. The HalfBlood prince was good but its hard to continue. there. i'm too pissed to write any more. I hate this blog. Why am i still typing? Sorry, Mr. Rocky Tblog man. i didn't want to insult you and ur corporation BUT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. Forget this. the temper is just consuming me.
15… there's still time for you Time to buy and time to lose yourself Within a morning star
15… I'm all right with you 15… there's never a wish better than this When you only got 100 years to live… - FOF, 100 years
everytime, i think about a long time, i think about the Five for Fighting song, cause it has the 100 years bit in it, and i keep thinking that it's been like 100 years since i blogged ahah!
Which , its does feel like that, seeing on how i haven't done it in a long time, I guess i've found catharsis in someting else besides this blog.. and come to eternalize in me a sort of understanding i have between blogging and myself. I do find it vacous and extremely limited in expression (what can beat seeing your face?) but in a way necessary yet unimportant. Not that i'm against it that's for sure, hence i'd like to welcome a new entry to the virtual shithole cum heaven cum cacophany of universes, Mr. GAY ah GAY ah! He'll be allotted a name slot somewhere on the left, under Mr. Gay ah Gay ah! I don't encourage visiting him too much though, cause you just might turn gay like him, and if he EVER, EVER tries to pick you up, Do not respond, to any Friendster/Zeebo/Hi5(espe cially)/Wholivesnearyou? and etc, invites. He is dangerous! hahahah. ok i'm just kidding, you know i don't love you Jeremy! :) And i was rather touched by the msg you send me last night, yes i do cherish our friendship too, I'm just quite pissed off that you keep ponning. You don't have a good body, stop trying to be a Ponstar.
Anyway, i'm writing, cause i wanted to remember yesterday's nice night :). it was good fun yesterday, my temporary and i hope, my last color of fun before i continue crazies studying and just not have fun for the rest of my LIFE! heh, okay a bit absolute but meh. Well, i met Jemy, Denise and Jemy's Godma's for drinks at Harry's, at HollandV,(YenBing,if you're reading this, were you at Wala Wala yesterday? Cause i saw u online so i figured you were at home?)Anyhoo, it was fun, though Jemy kept framing me, and I wasn't really thrilled with my drink, but i felt bad saying something to i think it was Aunt Tina, cause she seemed real intent on trying it.
Anyway, the best part was when we went to nydc to try the MUSHROOM MONSTERS! WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! its really like OIISHHHII! ahaha, just the way those crazy Japs do it, its this whole portabello mushroom with garlic ? sauce just pumped into it (cause it squirts out with every bite) and than GOOEY CHEWY PULL-INTO-500000-METER-LO NG kinda mozarella cheese and a piece of ham. Damn, it was sooooooo good, see i never knew they had this in nydc, and its like friggin cheap too at 5.95 d'oh its like only 5 pieces, but they were like huge. so it was worth every penny. than we had mudpies, and there was one that the Aunts ordered called Grandma KI SIAO (hahahah!) which was stuffed full of friggin nuts. and if you know me you know i like NUTS. SO it was like hazelnuts, almonds, and i think macadamia and oreo, which i know is not a nut.
Yay, so it was great fun and food.. meehee. I'm going to eat it again i swear. Oh yeah, and we found this booklet thingy which was called Screen Singapore, which had all the screenings for the Film festival but it was already ending, so that was quite a bummer. But it was FUN! :) yay. ok, yeah, so that's it now! Onwards to my studies! I sound so gay.
if your here, you're a loser. BUT A GREAT FRIEND! haha.
anyhoo. well, today's sad pathetic post from the person who doesn't update her blog is about the fantastishness of CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY!
if you haven't had the capacity to catch it yet (cough*faye!*cough) than you're stupid! oh man, filled with angst today now ain't i. but really! it's out! it's open! if you wanna watch it, CALL ME!
It's so good its slightly scary! plus denise keeps saying its a lil dark. its not. unless you have a phobia of midgets that the oompa loompas might be a bit less than endearing. apparently there's no name for the phobia of midgets, though i thought there was! or i'll just create one. ok lilliphobia. like lilliput!
ANYWAY. well, CATCF was bloody awesome, it was like a mini musical cum comedy cum book movie. It was hilarious and adorable and all the Oompa Loompas look the bloody same, even Doris. I so need to watch it again and than buy the DVD when it comes out, than i'll watch it a gazillion times and memorize all the Oompa Loompa songs. Plus, the jokes are appropriately corny, and a sidelined story of Willy Wonka and his family (HUH?! yeah i know) is put in quite concisely and neatly :) And Johnny Depp is just undeniably the bestest actor in the world, with his versatility and man, he looks so queer in the movie, you'd never think it's him. But than again, he is like the WORLD's BEST ACTOR, so he can prolly pull off anything.
i mean, Don Juan? EDWARD SCISSORHANDS? Benny and Joon? Sleepy Hollow? From Hell? Whatever happened to Gilbert Grape? Smoldering, arrogant nymphomaniac (who knows he's hot), endearingly sweet romantic, horror, 17th Century, RETARD? All. he's just bloody talented.
GO watch CATCF, its so fantastic. Especially if you've read the book, seeing it flesh out infront of your eyes is really brilliant. Now, we're talking about a world of candy, chocolate, chewing gum, gobstoppers, twizzlers, nuts, shit the WHOLE SCHMOOZLE. Than, add in the hottest guy in the world, awwww-family love, humor, tiny compact people who do your every bidding, quirk and i mean what else do you want? It's a friggin paradise! I'd give the world to be Charlie Bucket.
(Spoiler Ahead!)Ah, but it's not like you haven't already read the book, its a bloody classic.
Seriously, speaking, the movie is quite well done, cause i distinctly remember feeling everylilbit of Charlie's pure joy and elation when he unraveled that Golden ticket. Now, if i can actually feel (tactie-ly) his euphoria, than BANG! That's good movie! Plus, it helps to have good chocolate by you when you're watching the movie. Charlene T's a bloody genius. heehee. I recommend Reese's NutRageous by Hershey's. We all agree its good but Denise doesn't like it cause she doesn't like nuts. (chaaaa. deek) (Remember, there's no wrong way to eat a Reese's, that's they're tagline btw) And if you're allergic to the nuts, i suggest you go kill yourself, cause if you can't enjoy nuts and chocolate its really no use living. HA. nah kidding, just eat it anyway, and swell up and get rashes or wtv, i assure you its worth it.
Oh oh , and the songs! THE SONGS! You know how the Oompa Loompa's sing a song everytime one of those deeks screw themself up? hahah, its bloody funny. Man, techo, eletric, its so good. MUST WATCH! DO WATCH IT! IF YOU DON't YOU"RE JUST DUMB!
heee heee heee heeee. I want to watch it again. PLEASE SAY YOU"LL BUY ME A TICKET!
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*The upgrade cost $1.99 a month i think. D'oh. I realized this today! I can never in my life post pictures again! ahah, talk about absolutes. I'm the most deprived girl in the world! Lol.
anyway, i'm thinking of relocating! I need to post pictures!
And now! Welcome to the gallery of short, abrupt thoughts!
1) Watch The Island! It's got drama, COMEDY, utopian literature and eye candy all rolled into one!
2) I love Volleyball, and I'm so glad that Bikila won 2nd! (Since in retrospect, Owens is technically unbeatable, muahaha!)
3) My class is full of awesome people, who are so diverse in nature and character yet seem to all blend together so concertedly with so much pinache. :)
i was watching Singapore's Brainiest Kid just like 10 minutes ago, and frankly its bloody hilarious!
now i'm not talking about the fantastic ability and rate at which i can answer the questions and how bloody easy they are! (yes i know its kid, but, hey Indulge me.)
Oh well, that's not the point, the funny bit was when one of the contestants goes throught the lil Q&A bit that she does just before Cheryl Fox fires away on the questions and well basically, that girl has lived in some other country and Germany before so Cheryl Fox is all like, "So what did you think about the other countries?" And she answers, "(says smth abt the weather), but I love Singapore the best." Which i'm sure her Mom/Dad drilled into her before the show. You know all that, "The best! You must remember to say how much you love Singapore ok! If not later i whack you than you know."
Well, that wasn't the sneaky part and that marionette definately wasn't the sneaky one, it was the smirky lil Cheryl Fox where she answers, (with just that hidden glint that flashed away in an instance) "Oh yes, just the answer I wanted to hear! :)) smile included. Or something along those lines.
Heeeheeehe. Well, I thought that was sneaky! Haha.. Don't get me wrong now, I love Singapore! (smile)
Dear God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen
My life is brilliant. My love is pure. I saw an angel. Of that I'm sure. She smiled at me on the subway. She was with another man. But I won't lose no sleep on that, 'Cause I've got a plan.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. I saw you face in a crowded place, And I don't know what to do, 'Cause I'll never be with you.
Yeah, she caught my eye, As we walked on by. She could see from my face that I was, Fucking high, And I don't think that I'll see her again, But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. I saw you face in a crowded place, And I don't know what to do, 'Cause I'll never be with you. You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. There must be an angel with a smile on her face, When she thought up that I should be with you. But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you.
You're Beautiful- James Blunt
because that's just always how it is. I managed to scribble down the lyrics while studying with amenda, only to have her say the song sounds boring. chaa.... if i had a buck for evertime i were to relate to this song. well i'd be ... doing smth rich. my dog is sick. guys, pray for him. i'm so serious. what can i say.
my blog as been viewed 10106 times WOW! i don't even know that many people! ohwait, that's right its not people i know who are viewing it, its complete strangers! OH WELL!
ha. i don't know what came over me for that. maybe frustration cause its so damn cold in this room now that the tips of my fingertips hurt when i type.
i just needed to note down smth that pierced my head. "Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." - Harvey Fierstein
aye. tblog's picture setter option is out for all the computers that i MIGHT have access too so dammn, no pictures.
well. update, i noe its been long and i'm glad my last post garnered comments, cause that was a caustic issue for me. hmm, well right now, i know i'm eons behind. but bear with the technologically declined, i just got into NEOPETS!
see i used to think those deeks (dorks+geeks) kids playing Neopets were well, deeks, but now i see! i see the magic!!! I see the addiction and its captivating pull! Den keeps insisting its quote: "JUST PICTURES!" but its pretty pictures! admittedly, its starting to wear off, but i must said i've devoted close to 2 full weeks to this unhealthy habit.
so um in case you want to be momentarily bedazzled and stunned by the retail theraphy which basically exists in the cyberworld, INDULGE! www.neopets.com
unfortunately the linky option doesn't really work EITHER or i would have put it into the word INDULGE!
ha.. anyway. so, neopets, and... oh yes! EPIPHANY! i would like to sincerely thank Michelle Woo and Clement for helping me understand the power of the subconcious and its hegemony over other more concious regions. :) which is actually more bane than boon. :( either how, spanks again kids, really needed that.
AND.. um. that's reallly all i have preoccupied in my mind. and that JUDE LAW IS SMOKING. ignore the bimobtic twinge that prepossessed that, but if you watch CLOSER you'd understand. RENT IT! NOW!
ha. either how here's my top 3 fantastic actorcumguy list:
1/2) Johnny Depp 1/2) Jude Law 3) Joaquim Phoenix
Johnny and Jude both have 1/2) infront because they're ranks fluctuate as i watch their movies. since i watched Closer today, Jude holds first :)
alright, time to jet, on a last note, Jude shows his pubes in Closer. ha! now kids, don't trip urself rushing for it now. HA!
pls excuse my drama, but i'm really very affected by this (though i shouldn't be :( )
today in the shower, (somehow my thoughts always seem to uncover themselves the most here; maybe its the process of cleansing and all its holistic, renewal connotations) I momentarily recovered from the overshadowing cover of eremetic depression that i have been under recently. I think the pinnacle of it was when i was in the canteen with Denise (jz both of us) and it all dawned upon me.
But anyway, yeah, I momentarily recovered, in the belief that why should i get myself so upset and worked up over a negative externality. This item, object, that can be so easily removed! Simple, just boycott the person, and voila! You have happiness!
But NO! Thinking led to more thinking and eventually i slinked back into that abysmal place. But somehow I concocted a hypothesis that i believe deems much more than that 20 minutes in the shower. Here it goes:
Perfection and Success decreases with the number of friends you have. (with the definition that a friend is (according to dictionary.com):
# A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. # A person whom one knows; an acquaintance. # A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade. # One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.
hah, there's one more that is really off the point but i think its quite funny: # Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker.
okay so, here's the proof! Mini Thesis 1: Celebrities
How many celebrities can say they have real friends? I mean when one celebrity lands himself/herself into the perils of the paparazzi, you ever wonder why no other stars are there to say somthing in defense or uplifting like "That's not true!" or "She wouldn't do that!" etc, etc. Why do you think there are so many scandals, you can't weave one if there's tons of opposition to barrel your argument down right? Than again, popularity feeds off scandals, thus success off popularity, thus in a way, circulus in probandon no? Thus, since nobody tries to help, we would know that they thus value their own career instead of the well being of another human being. Ineveitably, you can always rule that under human nature i guess. But can I conclude that even celebrities, hence have little to no real friends? (just a hypothesis, don't get too worked up now, hear me out)
Mini Thesis 2: Tycoons Case Study: Bill Gates or since this is so ambiguous anybody with a whole lotta money
Now how many friends does he have? Can he ever make any friends with the skeptical stigma in his mind that they're all out for his money? (which is probably true) Thus point made! haha, in truth all this thinking is wearing me out, cause i'm not feeling well now either so screw it. plus i think its quite weak. okay i'll type wat i feel like now:
In addition, investing emotions in friends would create a bond between us and them. And if we invest more into these relationships, we diminish our own time in the pursuit for success and perfection quell our ability to succeed.
So is it ever possible to be both successful and popular? OF COURSE NOW! But is it ever possible to be both successful and surrounded by people who wholeheartedly care for you without qualms and are not related to you by blood and have indefatigueable care for your wellbeing and all that good stuff ?(remember the fact that human nature plays its selfish part that in the end its all reciprocation that a relationship invaribly survives) That's hard to say.
Or maybe it was understanding that anohter method would be to pursue success under the cover of false friendship, based on material goods, simulated understandings, fake compliments and pseudo love? I believe we all know who we are, and if you find yourself nodding to that last sentence, or gasping at the realization, i beseech you to take a revision of your actions for the betterment of mankind.
Thus does that mean that I should invest less in friendships in order to pursue success? Since that seems to be the only way I can become successful? I guess it was that hypothesis that flung me back into that dark oblivion.
I welcome, no, rather, I compel anybody to comment on my hypothesis and tell me I'm wrong, tell me i'm wrong! so that i can be happy again.
why do you push yourself to be someone who actually experiences that true brunt of problems? at least her words are truthful. at least her emotions are REAL.
you are a PARODY. two words: oh puh-fuckin-lease.
now see if you had been honest you could have retained your integrity, you could have convinced me, you could have earned my respect. but now. i doubt your every word. i doubt your every intention. i doubt your every action. your words hold no sway, no power, and absolutely no TRUTH.
call me absolute. but that's really it. i'm past confused, i've tolerated enough lies and hurt, all this hurt, that i feel for them. call me bothersome, but i can't take you crushing fruits as and when you like like that.
it pisses me off so much. SO MUCH. i can't believe i'm taking you. and with you. with you, you have robbed from me an asset, a friend. one who i have skimmed only so slightly, one who i had sought to understand more from. too late eh? i'm so sorry you.
hmm, ok no. maybe you want to be taken away. what am i saying, i feel like a mumbling idiot.
ANYWAY!
i remember something that stuck out so sorely in Ms. Yap's (my paper4 lit teacher)lesson today: Paraphrased: "Remember how you used to write when you were a kid the traits you wanted in a friend? It usually included stuff like, not a hypocrite and not a backstabber."
and i could only laugh at that remark in class. see where we all are now. embroiled in this whirlwind of deceit, what deems a hypocrite? if i call you a hypocrite, and i call you a backstabber, doesn't that make me one too? all i know if that if the world were not at least a bit hypocritical, the death toll would have been MUCH higher, and depression would be more rampant.
oy vey, what a juxtaposition.
oh a lighter note, VR was awesome, the songs were great, the guitarist, Marcus was .. whoah, fantastic. great show. support the local music scene kids!
oh and i realized that the more you grow to dislike a person, the more uglier they will seem to you.
and its not because the person is really ugly but its because you feel like you can see their evil ever so clearly now, and that evil is what make their ugliness pronounced. that's assuming you dislike the person for the right reasons too, but than again, if you dislike somebody wouldn't that make yourself ugly too? hmm i'm contradicting myself. but you get wat i'm trying to say right? anyhoo.
evil's always ugly remember, i mean have you seen the pictues they have of devils, like horns and tails and whatnot!?!
its really noisy at my house now because of some construction going on upstairs. the weather is devastatingly hot and i'm half wrought with dehydration.
these usually aren't fantastical or muse-ical times for blogging. than i realized, what do i blog for?
to let others know the business of my life? that's why i realized that half the time if i'm blogging it usually consists of highly charged emotions like melancholy bits and ire-filled sparks or ecstaticly-jubilant smiles... or when it is about crap its really about ridiculously stupid stuff that i prolly regret saying eventually or i won't remember. so it really made me think why do people blog. catharsis? that's what they all say.
but just how many people actually blog to let others know about their life? hmmm, is that what it is for anyway? i'm not pointing any fingers mind you.
ok. that's exceeded my attention span. something else came to mind.
"People don't do things they want to do because they don't want others to know that they want to do them." -Ivy Walker (Bryce Dallas Howard), The Village.
haha, how true? do you think you're pretentious enough to predict someone else's mind? lol. i believe i am. mind you this is not a boast! i just sometimes think i can, indefinately this just leads to me jumping into hyper-think and beating the whole thought into the groud. i guess its the process of pre-empting someone else's think that makes us so cautious, and weary of others. or at least that's the case for me. i mean how many ulterior motives can a person have? if its as indept than there can't be too many, i mean taking into account detail and depth and all that, and vice versa if there were too many.
nonetheless, how much easier would it be to be truthful? Can you honestly say you haven't said a lie in a whole day, (obviously excluding all incomprehensable days from birth till past googaa stages) has lying embedded itself into our bloodstream such that with each word we say it is packaged with fancy paper and tied with a pretty bow? who do we kill in the end but ourselves? jeez, let my shoot you in the foot instead, i bet it'll beat having to juggle all the lies in your head. and i'm not just limiting this to words, expansion includes actions and thoughts.
of course we can't nitpick, so i figured words would start easy. so should we all try this? honesty in its own? one less lie, one more shread of humanity intact?
oh and i'd like to extend my hand of congragulations to Faye! who, and her volleyball team won Division 'A' Girls Volleyball Nationals, and became Champions! their hard work and sheer determination definately paid off, and their glory is sweet! so if you see her, slap her on the back and say WELL DONE! :) nice one faye schmaye!
I've met you before... Sometimes you're good, and you're right; you're sweet half the time, but you can't see the light. You weave your own stories of maidens and lies, and add complications of quarrels and strife. I've tried to help you, I've tried to care; I've tried to listen, when you said no one was there.
But now i see through you! You're ugly and grotesque, Your smile fixed forever on your face like a mask. the knife behind glimmers so brightly so; Oh, if only those poor helpless souls could know.
I should slap myself stupid! I should give myself a whack; to not blow the smoke and uncover the tracks! Of the lies and deceit and the motives that you harbour: Oh! How i wish to throw off your cover; unspin the lies, and set the kids free, to see your malice, their pain- your glee. but No, I can't, I shadn't set them free, because that'll be mean, just too mean of me.
And i know that you'll cry, with your heart and soul, you'll feel besmirched and you'll let everyone know, that you've had a great setback Oh! You've taken a great blow! You're traumatized, You're hurt, The pain, Oh No! You'll never survive this, its too much to bear, The greatest betrayal, its not at all fair!!
You'll crumple, you'll die and than you'll fly away; but don't worry you'll be back, because you feel you'll need to save the day. I know what will happen, so I won't continue to try, to help you find yourself, to clean up all your lies.
I admit defeat! I thrust my hands up in despair! Let someone else take your temper, your crap and your flair: at lying and weaving more stuff out of air. Maybe one day you'll see the ground at your feet, and realize that your life is actually just a whole lot of SHIT.
"Therefore be followers of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma. But fornication and all uncleaness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as if fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.Let no one DECEIVE you with emty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them."
like look at the size of her butt, it is SOOO BIG! like sand in the hourglass so are the days of our lives... _________________________ _________________________ _________________________ ____________
i'm so disappointed in you. you've hurt me so deeply, i didn't think you were like that! HOW COULD YOU?! if i could cry i'll cry you a river. but no no no! i'm hurt but i'll take it like a man because i'm embarrassed by you.
in my whole life its never been my fault. i've been blamed for shit that had absolutely nothing to do with me, and i thought you were the one for me, i thought you would understand! i thought you were my soulmate. i thought you were the one for me, i thought i was your all.
ITS TOO OVERWHELMING. i hate my life. i hate the world, i hate you, i hate her, i hate today. God must hate me, i feel as if the world has crumbled around me. Why am i like this? Why do i care so much? For these kind of people who always break me and leave me jaded. I'm going to let my heart control my actions. I'm sick of this, i'm so sick of you.
I need to go shopping, i need to forget you. I need to buy and buy and buy, earrings galore! I'll leave you as i leave my cash at the cashier. I've been so silly, silly, silly, silly! I need to get away from you. It's tiring when i realize that i can't find the difference between love and friendship, i don't know who you are anymore! this is for you. Let's end this. ENOUGH IS so ENOUGH.
A Perfect Day - Natastha Bedingfield
sitting on the edge of a an un-chair me seatbelt un-fastend shoelaces not tied
letting the wind mess my hair makeup all smudged wake up all blury-eyed
its too early in the morning for my words to come out right just getting used to sunlight squinting in the light
[chorus] and it looks like a perfect day just too get away on this monday has brought out the rebel i was born to be
and it feels like the perfect time just to break away this is my life its sision from the north
ohhhhhh heay yea
i'm an uncomformised i like doing stupid things like laughing on a train (laughter) or falling in love again television, magazines to tell you how to live your life but not how to use your brain
its too early in the morning for my words to come out right just getting used to sunshine i'm still squinting in the light
and it looks like a perfect day just too get away on this monday has brought out the rebel i was born to be
and it feels like the perfect time just to break away this is my life its sision from the north
ohhhhhhhh heyyyy yea yea
i wanna do sumthin i've never done dip my toes beneath the surface of a sea that i've never seen the bottem of
i'm not perfect don't have to be i can walk around in just bare feet i'm comfortable in my own skin my confidence starts within
ohhh and it looks like a perfect day just too get away on this monday has brought out the rebel i was born to be
and it feels like a perfect time just to break away this is my life its sision from the north
charle here. that was not me. just got it from a friend's blog. i hope i'll never have to feel this way. she wanted me to post it, all i have to say is that that guy (Zarhil or smth) is an asshole. :(
i'll guide myself in beliving and maybe someday i'll understand why i do what i do and feel what i feel cause i doubt its true!
but what if i do feel it. So strong this ache? this pain? it seems i can't recognize the feeling. but i do noe its there.
none of you matter to me anymore, because i realized i don't either. not that its bad, just makes me single its fad! i know how it feels like to be sold
acutally NO! should i stand up and battle you to fight the establishment why do i care my friend(?)'s by my side shoo. i give you a warning.
don't smirk. don't smile. don't twinkle. i will beat you down.
its been an great day! i'm at denisesee's house now after tiring yet awesome volleyball!
there's a big fly on the floor.
denise is going to say something:
"I got penis."
yup she does! I'm glad i don't got one~ her's has lots of power
ANYWAY!
i'm wearing someone's shirt. and its not MINE! ahahahahhaa. it belongs to a hot guy. with a great physique and looks awesome. its denise's hot brother, Brian So. faye are you seeing this? its all true! it smells like me now BUAHAHAH! SUCKER!! denise says OMDT! which translates to OH MY DIDDLY TIT! ahhahaha.
YOU"RE ALL JEALOUS! muahahhahaha. i'm so cool. idza has nice pictures so go and see. i'm going to have to leave this place soon. boohooo.
Btw, sam if ur reading this i still owe you 7.50. and! thanks for paying for me first! and DISHWALLA is an awesome bannd! so go look for Today, Tonight.
i love you kids! take care and see you soon! anyway wat i said was true.
I felt for sure last night That once we said goodbye No one else will know these lonely dreams No one else will know that part of me I'm still driving away And i'm sorry everyday I won't always love these selfish things I won't always live not stopping
It was my turn to decide I knew this was our time No one else will have me like you do No one else will have me, only you
Youll sit alone forever If you wait for the right time What are you hoping for? I'm here I'm now I'm ready Holding on tight Dont give away the end The one thing that stays mine
Amazing still it seems Ill be 23 I wont always love what I'll never have I wont always live in my regrets Youll sit alone forever If you wait for the right time What are you hoping for? I'm here I'm now I'm ready Holding on tight Dont give away the end The one thing that stays mine
unfortunately i know you won't read this. and you'll never leave her, and i'm prolly dreaming. ha. doesn't hurt to.
de·press &nbs p; ( P ) Pronunciation Key (d-prs) tr.v. de·pressed, de·press·ing, de·press·es 1. To lower in spirits; deject.
today i learnt how people can sink so deeply into depression and have no idea how to leave.today i realized how the steady tower of negatives can pile up until it finally falls ontop of you. today i realized that i'm such an idiot.
today i also realized that i hate OGLs, and orientation and all that stupid shit. is my hate justified? prolly not. were they just at the wrong place at the wrong time? prolly so. does that stop me from hating them? definately not.
my reasons:
1) The ludicrous amount of stars (paper, cardboard and what not) which spray the school. I understand the whole theme is constellations, and i frankly think the canteen has been done up beautifully. BUT. WHen there is an EXORBITANT superfluity of crudely cut, half-assedly painted stars, or very obviously tacky buy-me-cheap-in-bulk stars you know its become overkill. i know the time limit was constricting but is the best you can do?! if you can't do it, DON'T. (i say this justifiably because i bet that i could do it up so much better. but I REFUSE to because i'm ashamed of this school. am i ashamed of myself? YES, but i look towards a brighter future and a day at which i can look back and slap myself for making a mess of my O's but congratulate myself for pulling myself out of it mess.)
2) Another ridiculous entity, the propagandistic banner and posters ridgidly set up all over the school. "LIFE BEGINS HERE", "WE WANT YOU(included is ugily drawn finger)", i remember even more but was too disgusted to note them down. i'll pen them in my mind and redo this post tmr with the details. HAVE I FRIGGIN GONE TO CHINA AND BECOME COMMUNIST? and its not like its a take-a-dig-at-communism-h umor, its desperate, vehement,abject pleas, for those who will eventually leave the school for a better one to stay. Their only holder? propagandistic elements as they try to herd-poison you into believing JJ was a god-send and that you have to stay because LIFE FUCKIN BEGINS HERE!. omdf.
3) the belief that if they dedicate they're lives to this school, its will back them up in the end. CASE STUDY: NG KENG EE (APPLE). - Hopeless devotion to council and has put in more passion than Eyes Wide Shut, more blood than a bloodbank, more sweat than himself, and enough time to go to the moon and back. - The result? a wreck who is so tired he falls asleep in class (even the important ones, all the time), so disoriented (note pun) that he has a tendency to bang into door because he forgot he hasn't opened it yet, and assignments no, no, A MOUNTAIN of assignment undone, uncompleted and untouched. Am i worried for him? yes, would it help any? NO. its mind boggling how this happened. maybe they'll take him back as a janitor when he FLUNKS his A's. am i being mean? no, i never intended to, i'm just telling it as i see it. do these people do it because they really love the school? i remember asking Apple just how much he loves JJ once, and all he said was " its alright". JEEZ LOUISE. somehow i think that these people are only OGLs because they are extremely inconfident in their relatoinships at this point of time. Thus they find refuge in the belief that by joining this mindless mass of GROUPIES, they'll be safe, safe from the social pressures that they will eventually need to face. wow! isn't that how gangs occur? hmm!! fucktards.
4) living by the dogma that all you need is song and dance to make life good again! like oh wow! upset? sing a fucking song! demoralized? do a fucking cheer! that never fails! and the really really naieve understanding that EVERBODY LOVES ME! I'm a OGL! omdf. WTH is wrong with these people? i feel so bad right now that i'm running them off like that but i can't help it. right now i'm so pissed i'm going to say it and you can't fucking stop me.
there i've said it. pissed? go ahead and be. i told you if i hate i'll hate.
part2:
the recent spit of decisions made by the principal, that has made me feel that he's as smart as a walnut.
> prohibition of the use of plastic bags by the canteen vendors in an attempt to limit the amount of trash in the canteen. < result: the vendors switched to firstly cumbersome wax paper which could not hold wet items or hot items properly (agaragar, paus), and eventually to paper bags (enough said) that sure solved everything.
> the recent proposal of the construction of a BEER GARDEN in JJC. i don't even want to elaborate on this point.
> rumors (i know i shouldn't believe them but if you're respectable, rumors wouldn't even be able to stand in the first place, jeez what does that say bout your capability?) that he brought his mistress to play badminton with other teachers quite publicly on a certain thursday.
> changing the school motto to SDSM (self discipline, self motivation), now. this is a totally personal point, and many will prolly oppose this thinking but its just how i feel. Now, i've got nothing against SDSM, in fact i've been trying to instill that in myself, but somehow i feel that its so ironic that its SELF-discipline and SELF-motivation. ironic that for something that you're supposed to do by yourself you need the school to tell it to you. and i just get this ominous feeling that by making the motto SDSM, we've just made ourself even more police-state-ish. hmm, so what we're like a boot camp now?
> his ever present inability to speak proper English. i know i'm no professional myself but at least i have the ability to form proper full sentences which make sense. I also know that his Chinese is actually quite impressive and he's really trying quite hard but just how do you expect to learn a student's respect when you can't even communicate with them properly?!?!?! yes sir, China is a blooming market to delve into, but its NOT THE ONLY COUNTRY!
ARGH! there its all out. do i feel guilty? quite a bit actually for all that generalization and lack of empathy but its freedom of speech and until something/someone changes my point of view, i'm not going to let myself get dragged down by it. will i get over it? indefinately. do i hate JJC? right now, extremely, but at least that took most of my anger out of me. i'll start being more optimistic now. till than. i condemn all OGLs to the fiery pits of Hell and sincerely hope that (i was going to say find redemption but because i'm still quite upset, i'm going to say-->) that they become dumb from too much cheering, and flunk their A's. okay that was real mean, so i'm going to change it to. um, like.. you know what, no, i'm not changing it i hope they do. i'm being real bitchy now, SO?
than PROVE ME WRONG MAN. DO IT, Do it if you love JJ so much.
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