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you noe wat i mean?
10.30.04 (8:01 pm)   [edit]
shame is such an annoying thing. because of it nobody can show what they want other to know. they have so much inside that bothers them and they unwillingly compress it inside allowing it to ferment into even uglier pains and truths which i belive eventually outburst into unforseen circumstances which destroys themselves and others. all cause of shame.

i love u its so easy to say, but nobody really means it anymore. i hate you its just as easy, but yet fear keeps it down. we swing and we swerve trying at all costs to avoid the truth and somehow we find nothing in itself but pain and sorrow. why hide anymore? i find the truth easilest to swallow when its young.

i like the rain especially when it falls unhindered. running across that road in the ridiculous downpour was a fufilling experience.. just reminded me how beautiful and ugly life can get at the same time. its like an epiphany. thanks timothy. haha.. there's so many ways to see things. take it simply and you'll be happy, run it out and you'll be sad. it takes the tired-ness out of everything. words are the best form of communitcation. it sometimes takes the most simplest of people to tell u the most profane of truths. thank you mg.

i'm... trying to be happy.
 
the premier girl / or so it seems
10.30.04 (5:27 am)   [edit]

i'm really really stupid. not that kind of DUHHH stupid, but that kind of gullible argh fark stupid.


ARGH. this is the second time writing this damn thing. : (
i'm not in the mood for this yeah.


i had it all spilt out on this blog just now than i went and clicked the wrong button. damn. well. wat i mean to say was.


i hurt. i'm stupid. and i suck. esp at dealing with crap like this. This has happened TOO MANY TIMES already.. and i'm not exaggerating. its like.. a GAZILLION times.


you'd think i'd learn from past experiences
you'd think i'd remember to recall the past


you'd think i'd still sting from my old wounds


technically. i approached this more CAUTIOUSLY. i really did, in fact i did it with such finnese and skill i was actually very surprised. that it had such fantastic outcomes. it was BLOOMING infact. and that made me happy..


but of course. with stupidity as the vogue here. wat wld u expect! yes. let's go dumb me, go and ruin it all. and under the weight of my thumb i manage to squash myself again. sigh... this time its differnt. this time it's underkill instead of overkill. well.. if in the end its still dead wat's the use ANYWAY.


k, ranting over. i doubt any of u kids got tt, but ur not supposed to anyway. let me wallow in my sorrow alone. i hate bothering people.


pw's got me in a bit of a fluster now.. presenting isn't as easy as i thought! i can't seem to get any EE's? which is (exceeding expectations). and i seem to stutter and pause alot. arghh.. anybody'd like to boost my ego and improve my speech a bit? i'll pay u! in other modes of payment. bwahahahahaha.... k, inside joke.. :roll:


life been such a bother lately, can't seem to get anything done on time and thus i always find myself rushing and rushing and rushing.. sigh. somebody save me before i sink into the busy oblivion. i've been neglecting my dog..
he need a good scrub cause he smells like.... unwashed dog. yeah.....


well. i'm too tired to type anymore.. here's some stuff that made me cry. go check it out and go eat some vege.


www.petatv.com


bye kids. pray for me.

 
old
10.21.04 (1:38 pm)   [edit]
i'm getting so old.

too much time has past without me blogging! gosh, actually to be truthful. i think my blog is such a piece of crap. its ... well. i mean i see eveybody ELSE's! and i mean.. really, its . just JUNK. will do better when i get the time! : )

anyhoo. though promos are OVER. the teachers are putting us through an EXCRUTIATING wait as they decide if we shld be moderated and stuff. argh. can't they just tell us first than moderate us. kills more pain like tt. and now we're still having lessons, going over testpapers which we dont have answers too, and so everybody's skipping classes. which i'm not bloody surprised. since tt's JJ mentality anyway. arhg. oh well.

well. i'm rushign PW now. its practically PW PW PW PW everyday. its.. really such a pain in the arse, and now i've got 3 days to put the written report in order, fix up the annexes, and print the whole bloody thing on a GOOD PROPER WORKING PRINTER! i hate printers. they're the bane of my life. they're ALWAYS broken, SLOW, NOISY and the source of my problems. i can't even remember the COUNTLESS times i found myself sobbing infront of it cause the paper wld jam SOOO NOISILY at say.. 3am in the morning? gosh. its painful just rethinking it. : (

nonetheless. i guess i'm just going to haf to do smth fast. PW aint' going to get itself up and do it.sigh.

well, we've been having more trainings again and again too.. not tt's its bad, but i just. feel like i'm in a rut. like i've reached a point and i can't continue.
i can't seem to get any better.
i can't seem to improve.

i don't noe. i just feel so bloody stagnant. its ridiculous. i'm not going anywhere. fartnuts. btw, a VICIOUS VULGAR streak has hit the class recently. i blame it ENTIRELY on kylie minogue. gosh how her name mars my blog. incase u kids don't noe. i'm not real fond of her. arggghhh!

next. i might be going to HONG KONG! gosh, the thought of... listless shopping, shopping and more shopping.. is liek.. gosh. as faye wld describe it in 1 word sex. ahhaha.. but really! I CAN'T WAIT.. if i'm going tt is..

remember i'm up against, councillors, and somehow i wldn't be too keen to go if joe ain't going and if they have to stay back over at my house here. hmm.

ahhh!! i haf more to say! but ... its 1:43 am! hmm i like typing the time in to my blogs willdo tt more! ahaa

bye kids. its TOO LATE!
 
i feel stupid. but i don't want to.
10.14.04 (2:39 pm)   [edit]

hey.


reading his words make me ache. i always feel this shiver through me and than this heavy feel inside. and i think its stupid. to devote so much of me to something so obscure and untangible. so i think i'm done, done trying to reach for something so far and away. then again i've been trying to give up for like the last arhhhh, 2 mths? so... eh.


i like this song. go find it and like download it or smth.


Life - Our Lady Peace
How many times have you been pushed around?
Is anybody there? Does anybody care?
How many times have your friends let you down?
Is anybody there? Did anybody stare?
And how many times have your friends let you down?
Just open up your heart, just open up your mind.
And how many times has your face slipped away?
Well, is anybody safe? Does anybody pray?


Oh life, is waiting for you.
It's all messed up but we're alive.
Oh life, is waiting for you.
It's all messed up but we'll survive.
Do do dodododo do do, do do do, do do dodododo do do, do do do.


And how many days have you just slept away?
Is everybody high? Is everyone afraid?
And how many times have you wished you were strong?
Have they ever seen your heart? Have they ever seen your pain?


Oh life, is waiting for you.
It's all messed up but we're alive.
Oh life, is waiting for you.
It's all messed up but we'll survive.


She gets high, she gets lost, she gets drowned by the cops.
Twice a day, every week, and all alive.


She gets high, she gets lost, she gets drowned by the cops.
Twice a day, every week, and all alive.


Life, is waiting for you.
It's all messed but we're alive.
Oh life, is waiting for you.
It's all messed up but we'll survive.


Oh life, is waiting for you.
It's all messed but we're alive.
Oh life, is waiting for you.
It's all messed up but we're alive.
It's all messed up but we're still alive.
It's all messed up but we're all alive.
It's all messed up but I will, I will, survive


anyhoo.


well. promos are over, for i think in general, everybody so yay to that. it bout time. i'm tired out and i need lots of sleep. before i start studying again.
serious. i'm not being nerd-ish, i'm being wise and not end up messing up my A's like i did my O's. at least i'll try to cover all my yr1 stuff before the yr ends. i got all holis anywayyyyyy..


nehoo. i went to sentosa recently. with the rugby girls. it was funn, i liked it most when we played or rather tried to play touch on the sand ahaha. it was funny. and exploring the beach with gwen, she's really such a cool girl. ^-^


then i hung out at amenda's house. almost stayed over too but eh. going to try my luck tmr. man. i wished i stayed in an estate like hers, than i cld hang out with kids i noe when ever, even at like UNGODLY hrs like now. which is *timecheck* 2:29 AM by the way. i've got pw tmr and i reallly should be sleeping so i can get a clear head, but i'm too lazy tooooo. and i keep listening to my songs. they're so good. i love yellow card and our lady peace.


nehoo. wat else.... i know i'm cramming everything into one entry, but i guess its been like forever since i've written. think its bout time i wrote some stuff.


btw, i'm currently quite free now. so if u all wanna just like hang out and veg or smth, just call me. i'm so in.
i need to do smth productive. don't say pw.


i wnat to...
-- play volleyball
-- run AMOK AMOK AMOK! lol but i want to run  somewhere
-- buy cds
-- sleep till there's no tomorrow
-- go to church
-- sing
-- hang out at some coffeejoint with couches and VEG
-- go somewhere remote and like. ohyeah. veg too.
-- go shopping
-- swim
-- play badminton
-- bathe my dog
-- read my comic
-- read all the queensway comics


zzzzzzzzzzz i'm tired! the list could like stretch forever. but i'm tireeeeedddd.. but i'm not going to sleep yet. i'm going to.. i dunno! ohhhhh, dilemma. wat shld i do now? can i call YOU!? yeah, you the reader. if yes, leave ur number under the comments part or on the tagboard, and i'll get back to u. ^_^


bye!

 
10.09.04 (6:28 am)   [edit]

i'm crying inside.


nothing hurts more than love.


no matter what they say. it hurts the most. it surpasses physical pain and psychological trauma. it cuts and tears at you as if you were a rag doll.


again and again and again. just when i thought i could just stand by and watch, it happens again. and i'm torn up.


the suns in my eyes. and the truth is burning through me.


i guess sometimes love's pain is unjustifiable through words.


so i should stop talking.