haha. i can't belive i fell for that charm bit. damn i feel silly.
i'm just glad i didn't get in too deep before anything happened.
i feel so stupid! hahaha. oh well. laugh and let live. maybe it was the desperate vulnerability that was calling out.
and i didn't think it would be answered! :)
ho hum. i'm so unfazed. (hmm.. am i?)

and TIME MANAGEMENT! i'm going to be stricter with myself!

ugh and another thing. a certain love fiesta event made me realize that my skool is really one for a bunch of dumb F***s. they seem adroit only in bad english, repetition, no no make that MINDLESS repetition, wasting time, and a indefinately solitary sense of kiasu-ism. JEEZ LOUISE! i hate my school. i'm so sorry to say this, but i'm so friggin ASHAMED to be in JJ right now. usually i can still take it and maybe even sometimes even stand up for JJ, but this time just takes the cake. i hope this teaches me a damn lesson.

i need to reflect!! argh.

heh i hate to admit, but love fiesta was satisfyingly fun.
it ended abit abruptly, but it waws still good. there was a little bit of happy ole class bonding going arnd so yeah, and most of them ppl came over to help out either way they cld. so far i think the unsung hero was leelian! haha, who improvised and sacrificially called up ppl who had to queue for the services.
also thanks to all who made it possible esp the queens of the day, idz, fayeschmay and deniseeweesie who helped eventhough she sucked the most in hair-wrapping. oh well!
for pretty picture that tblog is too selfish to host go over to idz's or faye'e blog.
points to note:
1) nobody can sing The Reason, but Hoobastank
2) we've got a really cute drummer boy in J1 called Aaron.
3) the cute cafe/ACC guy is called Sam
4) like toy soldiers by eminem is really good
5) i think i'm on the last train home
6) you really shouldn't piss off overworked people
7) ms. yap is so demanding

i think you ppl won't get no. 5 but its alright. i'll leave u all to think.

"Consider also the diseases which we have brought on ourselves, and the time too which has been unused. You will find that you have fewer years than you reckon. Call to mind when you ever had a fixed purpose; how few days have passed as you had planned; when you were ever at your own disposal; when your face wore its natural expression; when your mind was undisturbed; what work you have achieved in such a long life; how many have plundered your life when you were unaware of your losses; how much you have lost through groundless sorrow, foolish joy, greedy desire, the seductions of society; how little of your won was left to you. You will realize that you are dying prematurely."

Maybe one day i'll wake up and realized i've wasted my life away. that life hasn't been short but rather i've been slicing off chunks of it with my machete of lathargy and uselessness. Will i die happy?
I can't seem to say that i've lived. When will i experience what is true? True of everything, love, hate, sorrow etc etc. Sometimes i feel so ashamed at the vapacidity of my thoughts, i don't allow myself to feel because my conscience is in this understanding that by doing this i'm but creating a safe barrier to help prevent me from falling all the way down. but i seem to feel like all its done is dull my senses and make me immortally blunt to the emotions around me. i can't see to do the face reading thing i do anymore. i can't seem to do alot of things anymoe. what's happened? i don't want to die prematurely.

Carpe diem (en noctem)- cat's rendition.
i need to start to belive i can.

<sub>i don't know what i've got to do to be happy.
i'll let that be my mantra from now. All i do, I do it to attain happiness for myself.
i'll try, i'll push and i'll do what i can to find that happiness, that joy that i had but lost, that gladness that was robbed from me, right in front of me.
i don't blame anybody but myself. and i won't hate anybody but myself.

i need to start over and let go of my neurotic-ness. i need to remind myself that not everybody is out to hurt me. i need to find my peace. i need alot of things right now.
i need solitude. i need to calm down.</sub>

_{and lastly, i need to forgive. i need to start thinking with more empathy.
i need to start wearing other people's shoes.}

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never. i get the feeling that you're never.
its the chinese new year. now who doesn't love free money.
new clothes!

there is this lack deep within. and the world seems to fall away. i don't need to think of what i ever have to say to you. or had or will say. you're so easy. but why am i still hanging around.

lets watch as the sun fades
no thoughts no futures no words
i know there's no bond
but i'm fine
and you like it too.
can we keep this up
snatches of more than friendship
it consumes too much of me
but lets keep it at that.
you've exceeded more that what i was looking for.

hahah. you make me laugh. you're very special you know that? i just hate to admit it. heh.

i've never been so at peace before. and right before V-day how coincidental! :) i'm so pleased at myself!

Tiger Lily- Matchbook Romance

We drive tonight and you are by my side we're talking about our lives like we've known each other forever the time flies by with the sound of your voice its close to paradise with the end surely near and if I could only stop the car and  hold onto you and never let go I'll never let go as we round the corner  to your house you turned to me and said "I'll be going through withdrawl of you for this one night we have spent" and I want to speak these words but I guess I'll just bite my tongue and except someday, somehow as the words that we'll hang from And I, I don't want to speak these words cause I, I don't want to make things any worse Why does tonight have to end Why don't we hit restart and pause it at our favorite parts we'll skip the goodbyes If I had it my way I'l turn the car around and run away just you and I

I feel like chopped liver to you.
Love is bullshit.