pls excuse my drama, but i'm really very affected by this (though i shouldn't be :( )
today in the shower, (somehow my thoughts always seem to uncover themselves the most here; maybe its the process of cleansing and all its holistic, renewal connotations) I momentarily recovered from the overshadowing cover of eremetic depression that i have been under recently. I think the pinnacle of it was when i was in the canteen with Denise (jz both of us) and it all dawned upon me.
But anyway, yeah, I momentarily recovered, in the belief that why should i get myself so upset and worked up over a negative externality. This item, object, that can be so easily removed! Simple, just boycott the person, and voila! You have happiness!
But NO! Thinking led to more thinking and eventually i slinked back into that abysmal place. But somehow I concocted a hypothesis that i believe deems much more than that 20 minutes in the shower. Here it goes:
Perfection and Success decreases with the number of friends you have. (with the definition that a friend is (according to dictionary.com):
# A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. # A person whom one knows; an acquaintance. # A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade. # One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.
hah, there's one more that is really off the point but i think its quite funny: # Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker.
okay so, here's the proof! Mini Thesis 1: Celebrities
How many celebrities can say they have real friends? I mean when one celebrity lands himself/herself into the perils of the paparazzi, you ever wonder why no other stars are there to say somthing in defense or uplifting like "That's not true!" or "She wouldn't do that!" etc, etc. Why do you think there are so many scandals, you can't weave one if there's tons of opposition to barrel your argument down right? Than again, popularity feeds off scandals, thus success off popularity, thus in a way, circulus in probandon no? Thus, since nobody tries to help, we would know that they thus value their own career instead of the well being of another human being. Ineveitably, you can always rule that under human nature i guess. But can I conclude that even celebrities, hence have little to no real friends? (just a hypothesis, don't get too worked up now, hear me out)
Mini Thesis 2: Tycoons Case Study: Bill Gates or since this is so ambiguous anybody with a whole lotta money
Now how many friends does he have? Can he ever make any friends with the skeptical stigma in his mind that they're all out for his money? (which is probably true) Thus point made! haha, in truth all this thinking is wearing me out, cause i'm not feeling well now either so screw it. plus i think its quite weak. okay i'll type wat i feel like now:
In addition, investing emotions in friends would create a bond between us and them. And if we invest more into these relationships, we diminish our own time in the pursuit for success and perfection quell our ability to succeed.
So is it ever possible to be both successful and popular? OF COURSE NOW! But is it ever possible to be both successful and surrounded by people who wholeheartedly care for you without qualms and are not related to you by blood and have indefatigueable care for your wellbeing and all that good stuff ?(remember the fact that human nature plays its selfish part that in the end its all reciprocation that a relationship invaribly survives) That's hard to say.
Or maybe it was understanding that anohter method would be to pursue success under the cover of false friendship, based on material goods, simulated understandings, fake compliments and pseudo love? I believe we all know who we are, and if you find yourself nodding to that last sentence, or gasping at the realization, i beseech you to take a revision of your actions for the betterment of mankind.
Thus does that mean that I should invest less in friendships in order to pursue success? Since that seems to be the only way I can become successful? I guess it was that hypothesis that flung me back into that dark oblivion.
I welcome, no, rather, I compel anybody to comment on my hypothesis and tell me I'm wrong, tell me i'm wrong! so that i can be happy again.
why do you push yourself to be someone who actually experiences that true brunt of problems? at least her words are truthful. at least her emotions are REAL.
you are a PARODY. two words: oh puh-fuckin-lease.
now see if you had been honest you could have retained your integrity, you could have convinced me, you could have earned my respect. but now. i doubt your every word. i doubt your every intention. i doubt your every action. your words hold no sway, no power, and absolutely no TRUTH.
call me absolute. but that's really it. i'm past confused, i've tolerated enough lies and hurt, all this hurt, that i feel for them. call me bothersome, but i can't take you crushing fruits as and when you like like that.
it pisses me off so much. SO MUCH. i can't believe i'm taking you. and with you. with you, you have robbed from me an asset, a friend. one who i have skimmed only so slightly, one who i had sought to understand more from. too late eh? i'm so sorry you.
hmm, ok no. maybe you want to be taken away. what am i saying, i feel like a mumbling idiot.
ANYWAY!
i remember something that stuck out so sorely in Ms. Yap's (my paper4 lit teacher)lesson today: Paraphrased: "Remember how you used to write when you were a kid the traits you wanted in a friend? It usually included stuff like, not a hypocrite and not a backstabber."
and i could only laugh at that remark in class. see where we all are now. embroiled in this whirlwind of deceit, what deems a hypocrite? if i call you a hypocrite, and i call you a backstabber, doesn't that make me one too? all i know if that if the world were not at least a bit hypocritical, the death toll would have been MUCH higher, and depression would be more rampant.
oy vey, what a juxtaposition.
oh a lighter note, VR was awesome, the songs were great, the guitarist, Marcus was .. whoah, fantastic. great show. support the local music scene kids!
oh and i realized that the more you grow to dislike a person, the more uglier they will seem to you.
and its not because the person is really ugly but its because you feel like you can see their evil ever so clearly now, and that evil is what make their ugliness pronounced. that's assuming you dislike the person for the right reasons too, but than again, if you dislike somebody wouldn't that make yourself ugly too? hmm i'm contradicting myself. but you get wat i'm trying to say right? anyhoo.
evil's always ugly remember, i mean have you seen the pictues they have of devils, like horns and tails and whatnot!?!
its really noisy at my house now because of some construction going on upstairs. the weather is devastatingly hot and i'm half wrought with dehydration.
these usually aren't fantastical or muse-ical times for blogging. than i realized, what do i blog for?
to let others know the business of my life? that's why i realized that half the time if i'm blogging it usually consists of highly charged emotions like melancholy bits and ire-filled sparks or ecstaticly-jubilant smiles... or when it is about crap its really about ridiculously stupid stuff that i prolly regret saying eventually or i won't remember. so it really made me think why do people blog. catharsis? that's what they all say.
but just how many people actually blog to let others know about their life? hmmm, is that what it is for anyway? i'm not pointing any fingers mind you.
ok. that's exceeded my attention span. something else came to mind.
"People don't do things they want to do because they don't want others to know that they want to do them." -Ivy Walker (Bryce Dallas Howard), The Village.
haha, how true? do you think you're pretentious enough to predict someone else's mind? lol. i believe i am. mind you this is not a boast! i just sometimes think i can, indefinately this just leads to me jumping into hyper-think and beating the whole thought into the groud. i guess its the process of pre-empting someone else's think that makes us so cautious, and weary of others. or at least that's the case for me. i mean how many ulterior motives can a person have? if its as indept than there can't be too many, i mean taking into account detail and depth and all that, and vice versa if there were too many.
nonetheless, how much easier would it be to be truthful? Can you honestly say you haven't said a lie in a whole day, (obviously excluding all incomprehensable days from birth till past googaa stages) has lying embedded itself into our bloodstream such that with each word we say it is packaged with fancy paper and tied with a pretty bow? who do we kill in the end but ourselves? jeez, let my shoot you in the foot instead, i bet it'll beat having to juggle all the lies in your head. and i'm not just limiting this to words, expansion includes actions and thoughts.
of course we can't nitpick, so i figured words would start easy. so should we all try this? honesty in its own? one less lie, one more shread of humanity intact?
oh and i'd like to extend my hand of congragulations to Faye! who, and her volleyball team won Division 'A' Girls Volleyball Nationals, and became Champions! their hard work and sheer determination definately paid off, and their glory is sweet! so if you see her, slap her on the back and say WELL DONE! :) nice one faye schmaye!
I've met you before... Sometimes you're good, and you're right; you're sweet half the time, but you can't see the light. You weave your own stories of maidens and lies, and add complications of quarrels and strife. I've tried to help you, I've tried to care; I've tried to listen, when you said no one was there.
But now i see through you! You're ugly and grotesque, Your smile fixed forever on your face like a mask. the knife behind glimmers so brightly so; Oh, if only those poor helpless souls could know.
I should slap myself stupid! I should give myself a whack; to not blow the smoke and uncover the tracks! Of the lies and deceit and the motives that you harbour: Oh! How i wish to throw off your cover; unspin the lies, and set the kids free, to see your malice, their pain- your glee. but No, I can't, I shadn't set them free, because that'll be mean, just too mean of me.
And i know that you'll cry, with your heart and soul, you'll feel besmirched and you'll let everyone know, that you've had a great setback Oh! You've taken a great blow! You're traumatized, You're hurt, The pain, Oh No! You'll never survive this, its too much to bear, The greatest betrayal, its not at all fair!!
You'll crumple, you'll die and than you'll fly away; but don't worry you'll be back, because you feel you'll need to save the day. I know what will happen, so I won't continue to try, to help you find yourself, to clean up all your lies.
I admit defeat! I thrust my hands up in despair! Let someone else take your temper, your crap and your flair: at lying and weaving more stuff out of air. Maybe one day you'll see the ground at your feet, and realize that your life is actually just a whole lot of SHIT.
"Therefore be followers of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma. But fornication and all uncleaness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as if fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.Let no one DECEIVE you with emty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them."
